September came in like a tidal wave.
Sometimes you wait for change that doesn’t come, impatiently tugging and pulling on the threads of reality, to no avail.
Sometimes the plot twists so suddenly it’s all seismic shifts and particles floating through the air from impact. Wait. Where are we?
Who am I?
Now?
Now?
Now?
I’ve been tumbling through layers of my own interiority with the 2.0x speed toggle on. I am not breaking ceilings. I am cracking floors open to new depths.
Did I really just land on my feet?
Oh. Wow.
Let’s use this full moon like a flashlight to take inventory of this novel territory. Is it scary? Yes. Is it exciting? Yes. Is it making sense? Not yet. Is it safe? That doesn’t matter as much as you think it does.
Here’s a set of guidelines which you do not have to follow by any means. They are suggestions from a future self that would simply love to meet you:
You will find the entry point to your own path by honoring your crazy ideas. Crazy ideas are the ones that surprise and scare you when you think them up. Don’t dismiss them. Say them out loud. Suggest them to others. Send them out for review. They will be dismissed and rejected, or fade into the abyss of nothingness most of the time. That does not matter. Your path is invisible, by design. Every now and then, when you toss out a crazy idea, it hits a door that suddenly cracks open. A small beam of light will be cast upon the next stepping stone, and thus the path appears. That’s your cue.
You really do not need to know what you are doing before you start doing it. The Fool is the first card in the deck for a reason. Always remember: Nothing begins without the Fool.
Desire is a divinely inspired direction. We are not talking about mere hedonistic pleasure here. Seeking pleasure without accepting the friction of existence is, in the end, and paradoxically, deeply unpleasurable. That’s because it doesn’t transform us, and such stagnancy is lifeless. We are talking about the desire that risks something. That exposes your heart. That makes you vulnerable to loss and heartbreak. Desire doesn’t need to be fulfilled for it to be a directive. It does however, almost always, require exposure before the possibility of its fulfilment becomes available to us. I know… It’s a very uncomfortable set-up. But it is rewarding like that. They call that building character. Or, taking ownership of your own experience.
Discomfort is not your adversary. Get curiously acquainted with discomfort. Befriend it. Take it for walks. Breathe in and out with it until it transforms into clarity. The more you can tolerate discomfort the more you can trust your own mind. If you don’t have to run at the slightest inconvenience or friction, you may get to know what you are made of. It’s a gratifying relationship.
Love too much. And don’t apologize for it or try to act cool. It’s a waste of energy to pretend not to feel something.
The coolest people are actually approachable. If someone acts cool but isn’t approachable, you can bet your bottom dollar they are full of shit. You don’t have to take that personally at all. Fake coolness is the currency of a distorted world that’s actively dying. We don’t owe that world anything. Lend a hand to the creation of a world that doesn’t yet exist. Where the currency is kindness and it pays for your sense of belonging.
Gratitude is a mysterious reward that gets bestowed upon you when you do brave things that are in alignment with your spirit. Interestingly enough, it has nothing to do with coming on lucky circumstances or obtaining a wealth of abundance. The sensation of gratitude washes over us in the unlikeliest of places. It’s not something you can force or forge. It’s a gift. And you often receive it from loving someone or something or someplace ever more deeply, and beyond reason. Gratitude is the redeemer that takes us by the hand after we finally – exhausted and weary – muster enough courage to relinquish control over a specific outcome. It has a tendency to surprise us.
Courage is the fuel that allows Love to bloom into its fullest potential. Love without courage is impotent. Fear sabotages love, it’s a contraction. When we allow fear to make decisions for us, it shrinks our existence and ultimately devours our spirit. Being brave is a world-building move. It expands and enlivens our existence. That’s pretty much all that’s being asked of us. No more, no less.
None of this can be taught through the intellect alone. You can’t truly learn it from books. Or podcasts. Or multitudinous essays on some niche blog on some far-out corner of the internet… We can just remind each other of these things, on a regular basis. So that when one of us is hit with the wild embodied intensity of cracking through the floorboards to new depths, we can remember: Oh, I think I read about this somewhere once…. That faint memory is simply there to serve as an anchor: Through all the upheaval, and all the crazy ideas, all the tumbling through new layers of ourselves, and all the terrifying first steps towards that unfamiliar thing that won’t stop calling your name – you are not insane, and there’s nothing wrong with you. To the contrary; you are exactly where you need to be. And everyone you are yet to become thanks you for being here right now.
